Hi Everyone, and WELCOME to The Writing Fairy website. I'm Dorothea Helms, freelance writer, poet, book author, fiction dabbler, writing instructor, keynote speaker, humorist, wife, mother and slave to my English Bulldog, Margaret. My website is undergoing a facelift, boob lift, liposuction, weight loss program ... wait a minute - those are things I need personally. Sheesh. But my website IS in transition after being neglected for a LONG time. My goal is to inspire writers; my method humour (or humor in the U.S.). Enjoy!

Coaxing closet writers to emerge and make their magic known!

Archive for May, 2011

OK, so I was wrong about a couple of my predictions. In fact, my hunches are often wrong. I predicted that after screwing things up, Harper would NOT get elected to a second term, let alone with a majority. Many years ago, I bought Air Canada stock, convinced that it would make me a rich woman. When we ordered the biggest kitchen sink Blanco makes, I told Rich it would be too small – and it’s so big, I could practically take a bath in it. So I’m wrong now and then. That’s why I’m not a financial planner or a psychic. Speaking of which, back in the 1970s, my neighbour Weezie and I called all our friends and had a “come-as-you-are psychic party.” You’d think I’d have figured out then that I had no talent for predictions. But noooooooo – I have to keep on being “sure” of things. It’s the stubborn Taurus in me.

Let’s see … I predict Sarah Palin will be the next President of the United States. THERE – we’re safe from that ever happening. Phew!

No, not about the end of the world. I’m pretty sure I’ll still be writing deadline pieces on Sunday. I’m going to predict television show outcomes.

  • On Castle, Beckett’s father is the killer. I have thought that since the first time he showed up on the show.
  • On The Mentalist, Red John will turn out to be one of the team. Or that wacky psychic woman. I mean, do we really know that Red John is a man?
  • On Celebrity Apprentice, I think John will be the winner.
  • On American Idol, although I don’t care now that James and Casey are off, I think Scotty will win. No, I hope Scotty will win. Lauren will probably win. Please, please, don’t let growly girl win.
  • On Dancing With the Stars, Chelsea will take it

NOW – you have to understand that I predicted Harper wouldn’t get re-elected, and he won with a majority, so what do I know? But I’m pretty sure about Castle.

 

 

THE END

Wow – two blogs in one day. I’m on a roll.

So, some wacko named Harold Camping in the US claims the world is going to end on May 21, 2011. I’m 60 years old, and I wish I had a dollar for every time in the past six decades that I heard the world was about to end. Those many enlightened, usually fundamentalist Christian people were obviously wrong. And apparently, Camping explains his 1994 prediction goof-up by saying it might have been a mathematical error. Hmm. Since then, he has continued to scrutinize The Bible, but maybe he should have taken a math class or two.

If the world ends Friday, I’d just like to say to everyone, it’s been a slice. Thanks. And if it doesn’t end Friday, let’s take up a collection to buy Camping a calculator.

 

I loved The DaVinvi Code. There. I said it, and I’m not ashamed of it. I loved the book – inhaled it. Couldn’t wait to turn the pages and find out what happened.The book made me think. It made me question important values. It seduced my imagination. I didn’t read it for historical accuracy; I read it for pleasure – and it gave me immense pleasure.

My “literary” colleagues trash the novel as poorly written, so on the face of it, I guess that makes me a mass market slut. So be it. I love Robert Ludlum’s formulaic adventures,Taylor Caldwell’s over-dramatized tales, Agatha Christie’s multiple mysteries.

Then again, I have also loved some of the novels that are included in the elite grouping of “literary” works.  John Irving’s A Prayer for Owen Meany has a place in my top five faves of all time. Give me any Barbara Kingsolver book (fiction or non), and I’m in literary heaven. Loved much of Timothy Findley’s work, Margaret Atwood’s Alias Grace, Diane Setterfield’s The Thirteenth Tale, Toni Morrison’s Beloved, Sue Monk Kidd’s The Secret Life of Bees … all rich with layered language, striking descriptions and inspiring metaphor.

I’ve read self-published and vanity press books that have left me breathless with stunning passages, and I’ve read so-called literary novels published by major industry firms that I have considered a waste of my reading time. I swear that nowadays, weirdness for the sake of weirdness is sometimes translated as “literary” for no other reason. Then again, the books in this category that I haven’t cared for may appeal to others. I also love books that I consider “crossovers” – I defy anyone to tell me that Bill Bryson’s hilarious and action-packed nonfiction tales aren’t written with a literary voice.

So, what’s the deal? Read what you love, not what some elitist writers and reviewers tell you is worthy. And for that matter, write what you love. Different voices appeal to different readers, and there is nothing wrong with that. The importance is in the reading and the writing – and what these pastimes mean when it comes to shaping our personalities and enriching our lives. Take creative writing courses … don’t take creative writing courses … follow the path you clear for yourself and revel in the process. Enjoy the writing; enjoy the reading.

Read romances, westerns, horror, humour, chick lit, kiddie lit, poetry (even rhyming poetry – GASP!) … write whatever you feel passionate about. A book should take you somewhere else for a period of time, enable you to see the world through someone else’s eyes, tug at your emotions, make you angry, make you happy, make you curious. If a mass-market book does that, isn’t it noble in its own way?

Some people read to the end every book they start. I give a book 50 pages; if I’m not engaged by then, I’m off to the next novel or nonfiction book. Have I missed out on some potentially remarkable writing? Probably, but that’s my choice. For me, it’s “so many books, so little time.”

As with things like politics and religion, my advice (not that you asked for it :-)) is to think for yourself when it comes to books and what is “worthy” of your reading and writing time. 

 

 

Stuff

I’m so disappointed in the Canadian federal election results. I know, I know – some of you are thinking – REALLY? I’ve been pretty vocal about it, because … well, I can be.

The whole thing makes me feel tired … weary that the pendulum has to swing so far before people wake up and realize what’s going on. I’m amazed that people questioned Ignatieff’s “commitment” to Canada, when Harper wants the Canadian Government to be referred to as the H***** Government. I mean, puhleeeeeese. In my opinion, Harperoonie’s commitment is clear – HIM. Anyways, we’re stuck with him for a few years unless there’s a loophole – and trust me, I’m trying to find one.

On to more cheerful topics, I thought the Royal Wedding was super. Loved Kate’s dress. Loved her sister’s dress even more. Like wow – that girl is ultra gorgeous! I’ve been thinking maybe I want to wear a fascinator to the next gathering I attend. The possibilities are endless, which is either good or bad, depending on how you look at it.