Hi Everyone, and WELCOME to The Writing Fairy website. I'm Dorothea Helms, freelance writer, poet, book author, fiction dabbler, writing instructor, keynote speaker, humorist, wife, mother and slave to my English Bulldog, Margaret. My website is undergoing a facelift, boob lift, liposuction, weight loss program ... wait a minute - those are things I need personally. Sheesh. But my website IS in transition after being neglected for a LONG time. My goal is to inspire writers; my method humour (or humor in the U.S.). Enjoy!

Coaxing closet writers to emerge and make their magic known!

Archive for June, 2011

For those of you who disagree with my political, economic, social, emotional an other opinions and want to curse me, I’ll give you a good start. Here are some things you can wish that would drive me bonkers.

  • May Dorothea get locked into a room with Bruce Springsteen music playing nonstop.
  • May Dorothea get locked into a room with Ann Coulter, Nancy Grace, George W. Bush, Sarah Palin and Willie Nelson (just threw him in there for fun).
  • May Dorothea be forced to emcee a Miss America pageant.

That’s it for now – I’ll come up with more, trust me. Or not. Whatever.

 

Curses

I’ve been having a lot of fun on facebooks coming up with curses for people who – let’s say – I’d like to curse. I just realized that I could be posting these on my blahg.

Here are the curses I’ve come up with so far. I’ll add a new one whenever I feel like it. In case you’re interested. Which you’re probably not. But say you are, OK, or I may put a curse on you 🙂

 

  1. I hate Rachel at Cardholder Services. I hope she gets poison ivy in her armpits.
  2. I’ve been on the receiving end of Emily’s sickeningly sweet voice from Bell too many times. EMILY, press 1 if you would like a curse that messes with your mind; press 2 if you prefer something that will mess up your hair; press 3 if you would like to receive a curse delivered personally sometime tomorrow between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.; press 4 if you would be open to being turned into a toad; press 5 if you prefer to speak to one of our representatives, who are all busy at the moment, but here is some music while you wait – Willie Nelson performing Muskrat Love.
  3. I can’t stand Ann Coulter. I hope she gets swarmed by a liberal mob singing Kumbaya.
  4. May Nancy Grace’s clone get arrested for something she didn’t do and have Nancy Grace as her prosecuting attorney.

There. I’m done for now. But tune in now and then to find out who’s next on my list!