Hi Everyone, and WELCOME to The Writing Fairy website. I'm Dorothea Helms, freelance writer, poet, book author, fiction dabbler, writing instructor, keynote speaker, humorist, wife, mother and slave to my English Bulldog, Margaret. My website is undergoing a facelift, boob lift, liposuction, weight loss program ... wait a minute - those are things I need personally. Sheesh. But my website IS in transition after being neglected for a LONG time. My goal is to inspire writers; my method humour (or humor in the U.S.). Enjoy!

Coaxing closet writers to emerge and make their magic known!

Archive for January, 2012

A ROMANTIC MYSTERY

Folks, about 25 years ago,  my husband found a wedding band in a parking lot. I honestly can’t remember whether we tried to find the owners at that time. It was around the time we moved from Scarborough to Sunderland, and its existence slipped my mind. Well, the ring showed up today as I was looking for something else. I’d like to find out whose it might be and return it.

Here’s the poop. It’s 14 carat gold. Inside, the inscription reads Liz – Fred and then a date. Is there anyone who can identify the date and describe the ring design or size?

Rich and I have been married for over 40 years, and the Liz and Fred mentioned in the ring got married before us!

 

 

  • Sit with my beloved family members who have already passed and have a mouth-watering meal cooked by my mother, Aunt Mary, and my brother-in-law Pat (he’s in charge of meatballs).
  • Sit and smoke cigars with Mark Twain while we have a long chin-wag about literature.
  • Find out the entire truth about JFK – who shot him, whether the person acted alone, etc.
  • Sing with Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Edith Piaf, Nat King Cole, and Billie Holiday (not necessarily at the same time, although it might be interesting).
  • Dance with Michael Jackson (this is my fantasy; it could happen).
  • Perform skit comedy with Red Skelton, Gilda Radner, and Madeline Kahn (maybe we could be on a celestial version of the Ed Sullivan Show)
  • Hang out with George Harrison and John Lennon (unless Yoko shows up – she’s too weird for me).
  • Discuss religion and atheism with Christopher Hitchins.
  • Have tea with the Brontë Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, and George Eliot.
  • Bunk with Estelle Getty, Rue McClanahan, and Beatrice Arthur until Betty White gets there (I could play the role of Rose in that Golden Girls production, no problem).
  • Have Johnny Carson interview me and George Carlin on the same show.
  • Perform “Rinse the Blood off my Toga” with Johnny Wayne and Frank Shuster (I want to be the one who says, “I tole ‘im, Julie, don’t go!”).
  • Spend time with Erma Bombeck talking about husbands, kids, etc., so I can let her know how much her sense of humour influenced mine.
  • Punch Pat Robertson in the nose (if I die first, I’ll wait).

THAT’S IT FOR NOW … stay tuned for more stuff I want to do after I die.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WRITE TO WIN!

Gang, if you are not otherwise occupied next Saturday, January 21st, and you’d like to have a fun day learning how to increase your chances of winning writing contests, consider attending “Write to Win” – the workshop that Ruth Walker and I are teaching at the Aurora Public Library. We’ve done this workshop before, and it’s exciting and informative. Many of our past participants have gone on to en…ter and receive recognition in contests, as well as advance their careers in other ways. I mean … really … isn’t it a contest to just get published nowadays? To succeed, your writing has to rise to the top of the pile. We can help you make that happen. And if all of that isn’t enough, Ruth and I are two of the cutest presenters you’ll ever meet. 🙂

You HAVE to preregister to attend the workshop – go to www.writescape.ca

Random Thoughts

I was born in 1951, and the United States has Area 51. Coincidence? I think not! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…

People worry so much where they’re going when they die. All I care about is finding out who really killed JFK.

The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. Really?

I LOVE the show “Storage Wars.” Wonder what that means about me?