I have decided to produce my own television show. I’m now casting for “The Real Housewives of Sunderland.”

If you live in Sunderland, Ontario, have had work done (on your body, not your house – all residents of Sunderland are working on their houses), have an IQ lower than your waist size, have more money than common sense, and can carry on a high-school cat fight like nobody’s business, come audition.

Cleavage is a must, and high, high heels. A little floofy dog you carry with you everywhere may give you an advantage.

And bling… don’t forget bling.